I pray to a god
that doesn’t exist
my meathead tells me to
pray for salvation
from things I haven’t done
for relief from this burden
that I left by the side
of the road
long ago
I pick up a new burden
and pray to lighten my load
the prayers bounce around my skull
and project out into
the universe
the cosmic understanding
that knows all things
except that I
or you or
that this exists
am I the god I pray to
for things I cannot know?
is it some evolutionary trick?
programmed deep into the meat
perched on my shoulders?
and if my prayers are answered
by the god who doesn’t exist
how would I know
stuck here in this
endless maze of conditioning?
the countless bless me fathers
signs of the cross
burned in my forehead
the ceremonies, the singing
the centuries of ritual
laid down in layers like strata
in the flesh and blood
bowing before the invisible ruler
dear god help me
I have made the proper
sacrifices, the chicken
the goat on the stone altar
the children in war
I have surrendered my foreskin
as prescribed
by laws written
by you, I’m told
but still the doubt
holds me firmly
on this slippery slope
neither falling back
nor making progress
on my knees at the shrine
rendered invisible
by the chemistry in the meat
the repetition of chants
and genuflection
help to make it seem real
though I still have doubts
amen